She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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