remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
