He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
