Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
