i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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