I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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