Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
