So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
