elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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