I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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