oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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