I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
