Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
