I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
