I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
