Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
