Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
