D3 body, D1 cock
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
