Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
