Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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