What did we do last night that was yellow?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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