Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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