that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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