i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
