nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize