it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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