If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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