i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
