things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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