so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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