we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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