sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
