Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
