Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
