dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
