so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
