1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
