guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
