Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
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