i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
