I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
