Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
