I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize