She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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