What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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