He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
