i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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