I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
