The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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