Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
