Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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