his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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