Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
