Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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