Cold hands, warm shart.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize