Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
