...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
