There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize