I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
