I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Randomize
