We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I will pee on everything he values.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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