looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
