No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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