If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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