I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize