Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
