watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
