Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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