i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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