I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
