it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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