You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
