Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
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but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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