the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
