My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
