his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
