today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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