Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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