I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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