i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
