do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
