my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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