Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
