So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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