you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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