walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
