Where are you?
In a non slutty way
from now on my penis is your penis
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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