I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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