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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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