im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
