Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize