I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
