Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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