I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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