508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
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