Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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