Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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