Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
