You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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