It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
