You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
