I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
