She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
