ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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