Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
