so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
