Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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